and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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