he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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