Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
