i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
NoShamevember. You game?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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