Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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