Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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