you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
