You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
