dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
