I wish I could punch you in the face.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
