omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
