Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
