I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
