i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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