omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
