That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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