dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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