yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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