1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
