the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
