Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
