the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
