he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
