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This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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