Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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