from now on my penis is your penis
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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