Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
