I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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