Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
