So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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