Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
