she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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