im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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