how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You're like the curious george of whores
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
