There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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