Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
