She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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