He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sobbing to NWA
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
