Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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