Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
