he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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