WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
