I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize