its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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