Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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