it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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