Can i not drive my cunt home
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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