Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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