i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize