I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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