i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
