Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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