I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
