he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
