I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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