I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish my penis had a tongue
is wine microwaveable?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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