Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
