You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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