Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
