He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
