I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And then he peed in my hair
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