and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
