the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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