I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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