everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
