I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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