The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
