Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dear god my vagina.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
