Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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