anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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